I have seen the future

and it is no sleep.

I used to think I was lucky. I almost never get sick. I have allergies pretty much constantly, but I practically never get sick. So on Saturday night I dealt with Stella vomiting. Then on Saturday night Julie woke up with her. But of course I woke up too. Because I’m a Dad now, and I’m hardwired to shoot up like someone’s applied electricity to my genitals every time I hear the slightest sniffle out of her. Julie handed me to her yesterday morning so she could get a few more minutes of sleep and she immediately vomited on me. I’m really done with being vomited on. Last night Stella woke up every hour just to whimper a bit. I have no clue what that was about, but I got to get up with her.

Because last night Julie and my mom both got the stomach bug. Which is really kind of ironic. I’ve been swimming in vomit for the past few days. If anyone should have gotten sick it should have been me. I was pretty decent about washing my hands, but how good are you going to be when you’re giving your kid her seventh bath of the night at 5am?

And I still have gotten no sleep. You don’t want to be the one who doesn’t get sick. Because you’ll never get sleep again.