Okay, so two friends of mine have started a new website for actors and sent me the link to check it out (this is not a dis about their site, I think it’s amazingly put together and I think it is an incredible business idea.) Basically they get actors to pay x amount of dollars and they put together a website and book with all the actors resumes and headshots which is mailed out to all agents for free. Brilliant, right? I wish I’d thought of it first! But anyway, I’m looking at all these resumes because, well, basically I don’t want to work today, and I realized that most of these people have training sections longer than their actual work sections! You know what? That means the classes aren’t working! I have met so many people who are going to their first auditions after 3 or four YEARS of taking classes! I can’t even imagine how much money they have spent (classes aren’t cheap, anywhere from $150-$300 a pop). Classes in this town are the biggest money making racket I’ve ever seen! I kept wondering when I took a class (yes, I’ve done it, but I average about 1 for every 3-4 plays I do), why there were no experienced actors in the class, and why nobody seemed to have any commitment. They’d stop coming after the first week or they wouldn’t even stay to watch other actors perform. Then it finally dawned on me: all the GOOD actors are out there performing! Whether it’s stage or film, they’re spending their time actually MAKING art instead of “learning how to perform, learning how to land a job”. And all these freakin’ actor resource sites just tell you to TAKE MORE CLASSES! Not, “go audition, keep auditioning, even if it scares the fuck out of you.” No, they say, “take MORE classes! You’re not ready to audition yet!” It’s an incredible racket! You want Julie’s advice? well I’ll give it to you for free: audition! Unless you are a woman who can play 20-35. Then don’t go audition, take some more classes. Especially if you have red hair. Or are tall. Then please, you’re not ready to audition. Go take classes. Or move.
Ever wonder how the hell you got here? I mean here, to this point? I just begged my boss to let me turn down the thermostat one degree. So it would actually come on! She said, “Do you have your fan on?”. “Yes mom, I have my fan on. Should I try taking my clothes off first?!” The reason I have to ask to change it is because the thermostats are locked in boxes, so I have to use the key to open and change it and she obsessively watches to see if the temperature was changed. And it’s not like I want it some excessive level. She has it set to 79 degrees, which is just insane. I don’t even keep my house that hot. IT won’t even come on at 79, so when I get in in the mornings I sneak it down to 78 so it will at least come on, but usually it doesn’t even come on at 78 either. So I have to sneak or beg to turn it to 77. Sigh. When there was a democrat in the white house, i worked for a cool little dotcom. We had beer fridays and raced rc cars. my boss was human (although he still freaked at the electric bill also). How did I get here? And the worse it gets, the more I put up with it…
You’ve heard me complain about the tattered flags on the “patriot’s” cars? Well, I’ve got a new target: I actually saw an antenna cross this morning. That’s right. Instead of a Jack in the box or an alien or a pigtailed girl with a cowboy hat, someone has actually made a foam cross that goes on your antenna! Wow. And at least one other person has actually purchased it and put it on their suv. and they are not bothered by the fact that they stuck a stick up a cross’s ass, and now it waves in the wind, gets filthy, and goes through the car wash. sheesh! trust me, it is quite disconcerting to see a cross jumping around in the wind going seventy miles an hour. I was mesmerized by it this morning. If only I’d known that the WWJD bracelets were just the beginning…
Okay, so I auditioned for Two Gentlemen of Verona last night. And I knew I didn’t get any of the women’s roles even before I left. I mean, who casts me as an ingenue? As a doormat? That’s a laugh-even if I acted my ass off, everyone would know I could just kick the shit out of the asshole treating me like a doormat because of the way I look! You know you’re not getting cast when even YOU wouldn’t cast yourself! I mean, I was there until the bitter end (along with most everybody else), and I was honestly thinking, “Well, it’s nice of Norman to keep me around and let me keep reading because I know him.” I mean, really, I am not exaggerating! I really knew I did not fit any of the roles and that I’d pretty much sucked in my readings TRYING to fit the roles. But in the weird twist of fate that seems to be my burden/blessing with Shakespeare plays, I have been asked me to be Ursula, the non-speaking servant (although he’s going to give me a line), an Outlaw (who speaks a teensy bit), and a singer (don’t barf, I can carry a tune!). Really, this is quite funny because in high school, in all the Shakespeare and all the other plays that didn’t have a strong woman in them, I was cast as: a serving wench or a man’s role turned to a woman’s. In fact, my stage debut in first grade was as a (boy) outlaw (strange how that comes around)! I also played a serving wench (oh, but the head serving wench!) in Taming of the Shrew (to be fair I was also Assistant Director), Hippolyta in Midsummer (might as well be a serving wench for all the lines she has), Lt. Rooney in Arsenic and Old Lace (male) and, the one that gets everybody, that no one will believe: Reverend Hale in the Crucible. IN THE FUCKING CRUCIBLE! Yeah, it was the best damn role I was ever given, too. Okay, now I’m rambling. But anyway, the point. So at the audition, it even had the “me tall girl, all boys short” vibe that kept me from getting cast in high school. I felt GIGANTIC! Weird… But I accepted it, so watch out Waller Creek, Julie’s gettin’ out her serving wench costume again!
You suck me in on the first page, make me want to shirk work, responsibility, husband, dog, life and sit in a hole and read you all the way through. And even now, on chapter two, I know in the end I will feel disappointed, used, and underwhelmed when I reach the end. Again. Oh, but for now, I’m afraid we’re reconciled. Bring on the cheap empty make-up sex, you whore!
Well, we’ve all been wondering what W. and the rest of his sinister henchmen are going to do for kicks now that the Iraqi war is over. Donald Rumsfeld has put all our minds at ease: Syria’s next. We all know he’s always had it out for Syria, but now with Iraq out of the way, it looks like Syria’s old Rummy’s Target # 2 (3 if you count his continuous assault on the rights of the American public). He said at a press conference that they have evidence that people snuck into Iraq from Syria, spreading pamphlets saying they would be rewarded if they killed Americans. So be prepared for another war. Nice to know the powers that be won’t rest until Israel owns the Middle East and all the oil is Cheney’s. And what happened to his health scares, anyway? I think Cheney’s now a robot. But that’s another discussion…
Alas, the Goat has been scaped, the leg has gone deep into our hall closet, and the desk is now taking up half our garage. Another show down. It was a blast, and I think that seems to be a consensus. I’m proud as can be of this show, and I just wish we’d had even more people see it. Don’t get me wrong-we had a lot of great audiences, but I think the actors deserved to have everybody in the world see it. It was that great of a show. And we were so lucky to get to know so many new cool people. I got the pictures back last night and they are just amazing. I’ll try to get those on the site for everyone to see this weekend. Oh, well, onward and upward! Next- Travis’ hilarious and interesting script about cults. And not just in the traditional sense. Don’t worry, you’ll see! My goal? Just to stage two shows this year for once. Let’s keep this momentum going! And there’s been talk of another Slapdash, which sounds great to me. But where, when? I think LGT needs a pow-wow! Oh, and Tim, could you take the reservations off the front page? I no longer seem to be able to do that.
Despite locking the dressing room with our props and costumes inside on opening night, despite me forgetting the cash box, also on opening night, despite a gun being left backstage during a pivotal scene on the second night, we forged on. Everyone worked around all these curve balls, and the show rocked! The audiences, though a tad smaller than I would like, seemed to really enjoy the show as well. And I am relieved as can be to have time to sleep. Although I am having a little bit of shock at all this free time. I’ve been rehearsing for something since October! I’m definitely ready for this little break though. But come see “Scaping the Goat”, it rocks! I just wish I didn’t feel awkward about sitting in the audience, because I am a great laugher and almost everything in this show makes me laugh!
Okay, I heard the same story Travis did about the soldier’s wife who called anti-war protesters terrorists. The way I see it, anti-war protesters are the most pro-soldier people we’ve got. We don’t want to send our nation’s young men and women, many of them minorities, many of them poor or marginalized in some other way, to die for a war that nobody thinks is just. Hmm, but that soldier’s wife WANTS to send her husband to die half way around the world for our President’s amusement. I think SHE’S the terrorist. Maybe she just doesn’t have the nerve to get a divorce, but wants to diddle around. Don’t point at me. I need a bumper sticker: SUPPORT THE TROOPS, STOP THE WAR!
Every time they play the tape of Saddam saying “Midget Bush”, I can’t stop laughing. This whole war would be really funny if it were a tv show. Unfortunately, it’s not, and real people are already dying. Hats off to the Anti-war demonstrators who are shutting down institutions of power all over the world. It may not make any difference, but I’m glad that the record at least shows the world thinks Bush is evil. I just hope that this war is as quick and as painless as possible. It is wrong for even one person to die -American or Iraqi- for Prince Bush’s amusement and entertainment.
