I’m lying back in a chair with a bright light in my face and my jaw cranked open, and I’m voluntarily allowing a person I hardly know to poke around in my mouth with a variety of metal instruments. I’m referring, of course, to the dentist experience. It is because of this that my ass is slightly sore right now. You see, every time I go to the dentist and they’re working away at my tooths and gums with their off-putting little instruments, I become aware, from time to time, that my entire body has completely tensed up. This happens without my realizing it, completely unconsciously. I realize that my fingers are desperately gripped around the arm rests, my toes are curled into my feet, my back is as stiff as a board, and my ass, well, it’s clinched like i’m trying to hold a penny between me cheeks. I have to consciously send out signals to the various regions of my body to tell them that it’s okay to relax. Ease off. No need to be so high strung. But slowly now! Don’t want to go limp all at once while some woman, who’s probably distracted enough as it is with thoughts of why is little Billy failing math or whatever, is poking around in my precious mouth with hooks and spears and other stabby things. I manage to get all unclinched, but a few minutes later, while I’m staring up at the ceiling like some tired prostitute who just wants to go home, I realize I’m all tensed up again. It’s a viscious cycle. And now, my ass, is sore.