SHARED: First World Problems


“Boom, bitches. I’m out.”

My heart really goes out to everyone who bought a brand new magical internet computer phone and isn’t 100% satisfied with their purchase. Sometimes life just takes a shit right on your face, doesn’t it?. It’s like you’re a helpless little seagull and the universe is just this unfathomable geyser of foul, viscous sludge that’s constantly spilling hundreds of thousands of barrels of hate-pudding into your home each and every day for months on end… ya’ know… because of the bars… on your phone… and how there aren’t enough of them when you hold said phone a certain way.

“CURSE YOU GOD!” And right to curse him you are, gentle consumer. For it isn’t enough to simply have the sum total of all human knowledge instantly accessible from a device that fits in your shirt pocket. Nay! That device must also be flawless in it’s aesthetics as well as it’s every function! To suffer anything less would be like being forced to skip a meal… or two meals… or go for some greater period of time without food of any kind… or potable water… or being made to live in constant fear of the rape gangs and drug lords that steal children in the night. It’s just like that.

All silliness aside, Apple knew about the antenna problems WELL before the iPhone 4 launch. The only evidence you need is the Bumpers. Apple has never released an Apple sanctioned case for ANY Apple portable device since the inception of the iPod. In fact, Papa Steve has always taken a staunch, “Cases? We don’t need no stinkin’ cases,” approach to the issue. In fact again, the one and only time Apple came close to offering a case was when they started shipping 5G iPods and 1G Nanos with a simple stitched slip cover to appease the 1000′s of customers (including me) reporting all-t00-easily-scratched screens.

So OF COURSE they knew about the problem. They had enough time to design and manufacture the Bumpers, and hope to high hell that more people bought them than not. I guess that plan failed. So what are they going to announce today? My guess is that a full on recall would ruin their profits for this quarter/year. I bet they offer free bumpers too all iPhone 4 customers. They F’ed up, they got caught and they need to make it right. Though I really have to give Steve props for the “you’re holding it wrong” line. That took some brushed aluminum balls.


I will be in the Webcomics Pavillion (handy/shittily made map) at the Topatoco booth (#1231) with many of your other favorite internet-style cartoonists.

FB’s JustChristine and JonnyAce wants to organize a meetup for sometime during the con. Thursday night I will be at W00tstock. If you are interested make a comment. If enough people are interested we can make an event on the Fancy Bastards Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter for minute to minute updates as to what’s going on while I’m at Comic-Con.

Help a brother out…

Money is VERY tight at the HijiNKS household right now so if you want to support HE and see it continue for hundreds of years to come, please MAKE A DONATION or BUY SOMETHING FROM THE STORE.



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Tags: <a href="" title="apple" rel="tag">apple</a>, <a href="" title="iphone" rel="tag">iphone</a>, <a href="" title="iphone 4" rel="tag">iphone 4</a>, <a href="" title="steve jobs" rel="tag">steve jobs</a>, <a href="" title="tech" rel="tag">tech</a><br />

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